Coaching is inherently about helping others—supporting individuals to grow, develop, and reach their full potential. But we can at times be tempted into rescuing our coaching clients – a subtle trap within an otherwise positive intention.
Coaches are often drawn to this work because of our deep desire to contribute positively to the lives of others. Rescuing might sound heroic, but in a coaching context, it often does more harm than good. When a coach steps in to "save" a client, they inadvertently take on too much responsibility, disempowering the client from taking ownership of their own situation. What starts with the best of intentions—wanting to help—can actually inhibit a client's growth and independence, leading to unintended outcomes that are contrary to what coaching aims to achieve.
In this article, we'll explore how coaches can recognise when they are falling into the role of rescuer, and how they can move towards a more empowering approach that serves both themselves and their clients more effectively.
The Allure of Rescuing Coaching Clients
Being a coach means being invested in your clients' progress, which is a fantastic quality. The temptation to rescue comes from wanting the best for your clients—sometimes too much. When a coach sees a client struggling, it’s natural to feel an urge to step in, to solve the problem, to alleviate the pain. After all, isn’t that why people come to us? To help them through their challenges?
The problem arises when that help crosses a line and turns into taking responsibility for the client's issues. This can manifest in several ways: offering too many solutions, working harder than the client to solve their problems, or feeling overly responsible for the outcomes of coaching sessions.
If you’ve ever found yourself mulling over what would help your client long after you’ve finished your work for the day (maybe even late at night), that’s your inner rescuer hard at work!
The intention behind rescuing coaching clients is pure—it comes from a place of empathy and care. However, the impact is often that the client loses agency. Instead of learning how to navigate their own challenges, they become reliant on the coach. As a result, their growth is stunted, and the empowerment that lies at the heart of coaching is lost.
Signs You’re Moving Into Rescuer Mode
Rescuing in coaching can be subtle, and recognising when you're crossing that line takes both awareness and self-reflection. Here are some common signs that you might be stepping into the territory of rescuing coaching clients:
- Feeling Overly Responsible for Client Outcomes: If you find yourself feeling accountable for whether or not the client succeeds, this could be an indication that you're taking on too much. Coaching is about supporting the client's journey, not carrying them through it.
- Offering Solutions Instead of Facilitating Insight: Among the core tools of a coach are asking powerful questions and reflecting back what you are noticing, enabling the client to find their own answers. Sometimes we might contract with a client around offering ideas, but when you’re consistently offering solutions or telling clients what to do, it’s a sign that you might be rescuing, and/or stepping into more of a consultant role.
- Working Harder Than the Client: If you feel exhausted after sessions because you’re doing all the emotional or mental work, this is a red flag. Coaching should be an active process for both coach and client, with the client taking responsibility for their own growth.
- Avoiding Discomfort in Sessions: Sometimes, coaching means holding a space for discomfort. If you find yourself stepping in to make things easier for the client, rather than allowing them to sit with their discomfort, you may be rescuing.
- Feeling Emotionally Involved: If you're feeling drained, anxious, or emotionally involved in your client's life, it might indicate that you are over-identifying with their struggles and stepping beyond your role as coach.
- Feeling that the client wants you to save them rather than take responsibility. Sometimes a client might consciously or unconsciously invite you to be their rescuer, from someone (eg a difficult boss) or something (eg challenging work situation they have little control over). This could be an invitation into The Drama Triangle, where the client might see themselves as the Victim, beset by a Persecutor, and here you are as a potential Rescuer to help resolve the situation! I’ll write more about The Drama Triangle in a future article.
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Reflective Questions to Consider
Awareness is the first step towards change. Reflecting on your practice can help you understand whether you’re in danger of falling into a rescuer role. Here are some reflective questions that can help you explore this dynamic:
- Whose responsibility is it to find a solution here—mine or the client’s?
- Am I providing tools and questions, or am I giving direct advice and instructions? (and is this what I’ve contracted for?)
- How am I feeling about this client's progress? Am I feeling personally responsible for their success or failure?
- Have I made space for the client to explore their own options, or am I leading them towards what I think is best?
- Do I trust that my client is resourceful and capable of finding their own way forward? If not, why?
- Does it feel like this client wants me to save or rescue them? How am I responding?
These questions are designed to bring your motivations into focus and help you recognise where you might be inadvertently overstepping your role and moving toward rescuing coaching clients.
Moving Away From Rescuing Coaching Clients Towards Empowerment
Once you've noticed the tendency to rescue, the next step is to actively shift your approach. Here are some suggestions for how to rebalance and ensure your clients are empowered, rather than reliant:
- Trust the Client’s Resourcefulness: One of the core principles of coaching is the belief that clients are creative, resourceful, and whole. Trust that your clients have within them the ability to navigate their own challenges. Your role is to facilitate, not to solve. Reinforce this belief in your sessions by asking questions that encourage independent thinking and exploration.
- Practice Patience: Often, rescuing comes from an impatience to see results or alleviate discomfort. Remind yourself that transformation takes time, and that a client’s discomfort is often a part of their growth journey. Sit with the discomfort rather than stepping in to fix it.
- Ask, Don’t Tell: Shift from giving advice to asking questions that draw out the client’s own thoughts and solutions. Instead of saying, "You could try X," ask, "What do you think might help in this situation?" This encourages the client to think for themselves and builds their confidence in making decisions.
- Set Boundaries Around Your Role: It's important to clearly define what you are responsible for and what the client is responsible for. As a coach, you’re responsible for creating a space for exploration and learning, but the client is responsible for taking action. Keeping this boundary clear helps prevent overstepping into rescuer mode.
- Reflect in Supervision: If you notice a pattern of rescuing coaching clients, this is a valuable topic to bring to supervision. In supervision, we can explore the underlying reasons behind this pattern—whether it's driven by empathy, a need to be helpful, or even anxiety about your effectiveness as a coach. Supervision offers a supportive space where these motivations can be unpacked, understood, and shifted.
The Value of Supervision
The tendency to rescue is common among coaches, especially those who are driven by a deep desire to help others – we’ve all been there! Recognising and adjusting this pattern takes time, and having the support of a supervisor is incredibly beneficial during this process.
As a coach supervisor, I have worked with many coaches who’ve found themselves in the role of rescuer. Together, we’ve explored why they feel the need to step in and take over and how to realign their practice towards empowering the client rather than taking responsibility for them. This process isn’t always straightforward, as it often requires looking at deeply held beliefs about what it means to help others and addressing the discomfort of stepping back. It’s also sometimes about the value the coach feels they bring to sessions and wanting the client to go away feeling they got value for their investment.
Supervision provides a reflective space that helps coaches identify their blind spots, build confidence in their approach, and develop new strategies for supporting clients in a balanced way. For those interested, I invite you to learn more about how supervision can support your journey as a coach: Scott Foley Coaching Supervision.
Through supervision, you can:
- Gain insight into the triggers that cause you to step into a rescuer role.
- Reflect on how your own emotions, fears, or expectations might influence your desire to rescue.
- Create actionable strategies for empowering clients and holding them accountable for their own growth.
Supervision is about growth—not just for your clients, but for you as a coach. It ensures that you are offering the most effective support to your clients, while also caring for your own boundaries and well-being.
Empowerment Over Rescuing - A Change in Perspective
Coaching is at its most powerful when it is client-led. When you provide a client with the tools, support, and belief they need to navigate their own journey, you enable them to create genuine and lasting change. Rescuing coaching clients, on the other hand, may create a short-term solution, but it doesn’t foster the independence that clients need for long-term success.
Resist the temptation to be the hero of the story. Instead, help your clients become their own heroes. Empower them with questions that encourage self-reflection, hold them accountable to their goals, and believe in their ability to navigate their own path—even when the way forward isn’t immediately clear.
When you notice the desire to rescue, reflect on why it’s coming up. Use supervision to unpack your experiences, understand your motivations, and create strategies for staying in an empowering space. Over time, with practice and reflection, you will find that stepping back and trusting your clients leads to far more powerful transformations than stepping in and taking over.
Summary
The temptation to rescue is a common challenge for many coaches, but it’s one that can be addressed through awareness, reflection, and support. By recognising when you’re falling into rescuing coaching clients, asking reflective questions and shifting your approach to trust and empower your clients, you create a coaching relationship that fosters independence and genuine growth.
If you find yourself regularly tempted to take on your clients' burdens, it’s a signal to explore this dynamic further. Supervision provides a valuable space for this exploration—helping you understand your motivations, create new strategies, and ultimately become a more effective and empowering coach.
To find out more about how supervision can support you in navigating these challenges, visit my Coaching Supervision page. I offer a free 30 minute consultation and would be happy to discuss your current coaching goals and challenges, and where I can help.